Dear Dylan:
You don’t realize it, but by this point your future is already mostly determined. You never even consciously chose your current life- it was just given to you, and you didn’t yet know enough to ask for a say in the matter. But it is not too late for you to change course, if only you listen to what I have to say.
The Track is the default progression of your life towards what is comfortable and familiar, and to increasingly resist exploring genuinely new things. Your parents laid most of the track, passing on to you their ideals on how a life should be lived. They instilled stereotypes, taught you how to behave, guided you towards the kinds of friends they thought you should make. They gave you their politics, they told you what religion to follow. As you started to socialize, you learned how to fit in and be accepted based on your gender, race, sexuality, and wealth. We could have already made good predictions about what kind of life you would lead based on these early influences. Said another way, before you even hit adolescence the track already spanned in front of you for miles.
As our independence grows, we do get a brief window of opportunity to adjust that track, which we refer to as coming-of-age. But that window is even shorter than it seems. When you first arrived at college, you suddenly had a lot more independence. For the first time in your life, you had the freedom to choose your own friends, your career, your hobbies. You were able to experiment and discover what you liked. And it is true, that in this moment, you wielded the power to adjust The Track.
But you barely changed your path. As soon as you started to make those new friends and go to your new hobbies, you started to form the idea of yourself as a person who does those things. The guard rails on your new Track went up almost immediately. Before college was even halfway over, you had stopped making different types of friends, stopped going to different types of parties, stopped dating different types of people. Most of us make only relatively small adjustments during this coming-of-age, feel good about reclaiming some individuality from our parents, and then unwittingly continue on a very similar track as the one they laid for us. After college and for the rest of your life you will make the same sorts of friends, pursue the same kinds of hobbies, travel to the same types of places. Nobody deviates from the track. It’s safe, it’s comfortable, it feels right.
But just imagine all the experiences you could have in the world! There are struggling artists finding joy painting in a warehouse, athletes who thrive when their hearts are pounding, local musicians playing to a small but loyal crowd, social butterflies who are constantly surrounded by friends, ravers who go out dancing all night, introverts who like nothing more than to get lost in a new book, hikers and campers who feel most at home surrounded by nature, executives fueled by ambition, janitors who just want to spend time with their kids. And this just scratching the surface level of relatively ordinary lifestyles. Have you ever thought about what kind of life people with face tattoos lead? How about polyamorous people? How much more of the human experience is out there that you’ve never even contemplated learning about?
You have to realize how little of the world you actually see. You’re just in your own tiny bubble, marching ever onwards on the same track. Are you sure that working your corporate job, watching the same Hollywood movies and TikTok trends, getting brunch with the same friends, getting married, having kids, laying the track for them, vacationing to family friendly tourist destinations, saving up money for retirement… is that really what you want? Because it’s definitely the track that was set for you. But what are the odds that what was set for you just happens to be the most fulfilling out of all the unimaginably diverse lifestyles out there?
I’m asking you to reconsider. Throw away all the notions you have of how your life should go. Start over, reset. Ask yourself: if I had no friends, hobbies, obligations, family, job, politics, religion, style, music… how would I want to build my life? What kinds of things would define me?
If you end up going down the same path, that’s fine- but at least give yourself the chance to change direction. Don’t spend your life following the plans that were laid for you by your parents and society. Build your own track. It’s not too late.
Sincerely,
Dylan
Discussion about this post
No posts